"Donald Trump can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter -- like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?" President Obama
Last night at the White House Correspondent's dinner, President Obama (with some help from Saturday Night Lives Seth Meyers) opened a can of WhoppAss on Donald Trump's rump bigger than the dead rat that's sitting on top of the Donald's head.
As everyone now knows, President Obama producted his original birth coertificate this week, just a day afer Donald Trump had procaliamed that he had information the original was missing. This essentiall killed the birther movement, and yet Trump did not apologize or back off his race based attackes on Obama. No, instead he doubled down, saying that Obama's grades in college were not good enough for him to have gotten into Coumbia and Harvard.
Earth to Donald; what Part of Magnum Cum Laude do you not understand?
Obama graduated in the top of hos Harvard Law School class, yet somehow that's not good enough if you're the first black man to be elected president of hr United States.
Not if your last name is Trump, you were born with a platinum spoon up your ass, a few hundred million dollars of your daddy's fortune to lose several times over while bankrupting Atlantic city casinos and being sued by the US government for discriminating against black people in your Queens, NY housing complexes.
This week payback turner out to be a bitch, and her name as the White House Correspondents dinner. Trump was mercilessly roasted as the crowd roared at every joke.
In reality the joke wasn't on Donald Trump, the joke was Donald Trump.
The president launched his presentation with a pseudo-rock video that played Hulk Hogan's patriotic anthem Real American while showing iconic American images includingMount Rushmore and Uncle Sam and repeatedly flashed Obama's Hawaiian birth certificate on the screen.
Obama, who said he would "go a step futher" in proving he was born a U.S. citizen, revealed his "official birth video," which turned out to be a clip from Disney's The Lion King.
The crowd roared with laughter, and Trump, who has been quite vocal about questioning the president's citizenship, sat there trying not to appear suicidal as everyone kept laughing at the biggest idoit to run for President since Sarah Palin.
As a camera focussed on Trump showed, with each joke he grew more tense, his mouth clamped shut with the arrogant smirk of a young child who has been caught and punished for his deeds. Here's what Obama said:
"Donald Trump is here tonight! Now, I know that he's taken some flak lately, but no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than the Donald. And that's because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter -- like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?
But all kidding aside, obviously, we all know about your credentials and breadth of experience. For example -- no, seriously, just recently, in an episode of Celebrity Apprentice --- at the steakhouse, the men's cooking team cooking did not impress the judges from Omaha Steaks. And there was a lot of blame to go around.
But you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. And so ultimately, you didn't blame Lil' Jon or Meatloaf. You fired Gary Busey. And these are the kind of decisions that would keep me up at night. Well handled, sir. Well handled.
Say what you will about Mr. Trump, he certainly would bring some change to the White House. Let's see what we've got up there."
A photo flashed on the screen of the distinguished White House, made over in glitzy fashion to resemble a hotel and casino complete with a high-rise addition, neon lights and jacuzzi in the front lawn.
And the jokes didn't stop there. Saturday Night Live's Seth Meyers, the evening's comedic entertainer, took the reins from the president and continued to roast the real estate mogul.
"Donald Trump has been saying that he will run for president as a Republican, which is surprising," said Myers. "Because I just assumed he was running as a joke."
“Donald Trump owns the Miss USA pageant, which is great for Republicans because it will streamline their search for a vice president.”
In the words of one anonymous internet poster, "Tuck Frump!"
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