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Worst Prank Ever: Man Dies After Friends Insert Eel Into Rectum

With friends like these, who needs enemas?

You've heard the urban legendchinese-eel about inserting objects into the rectum to stimulate the prostate for sexual pleasure (got gerbils, Richard Gere? Rod Stewart?).  Now from China comes a  story about a real life animal insertion that is as horrifying as any we have seen.

via the Daily Caller:

In what may be one of the most shocking stories of the year, a man in China died after having an eel inserted into his rectum. Doctors who treated the victim in the Sichuan Province, did not know how the man met his demise until they performed an autopsy and discovered an Asian swamp eel up his backside.

Reports indicate that the man, who has only been identified as a chef, apparently was a victim of a horrible prank. The chef, after a heavy night of drinking, passed out with some of his friends. Those friends thought that it would be funny to put the eel inside of the victim. The medical examiner determined that the cause of death was that the eel, which was fifty centimeters long, devoured the man’s bowels. No word yet on charges against the friends for their role in the death.

One theory is that the man's friends had heard the phrase "Drill, baby drill!" but that something got lost in the translation.

 

Gerbils Trained To Catch Spies and bust Drug Dealers

Gerbil Spys

Gerbils have a keen sense of smell. They can find their food, even if it's buried under five inches of bedding.

But did you know that gerbils can literally smell fear? British Security Serivce MI5 once planned to recruit a team of specially-trained gerbils as a secret weapon to sniff out spies, it has been revealed.

The animals were to help interrogate suspects because they could use their acute sense of smell to detect a rise in adrenalin - the chemical released in sweat when people feel under stress.

But MI5 dropped the plans after it was discovered the gerbils could not tell the difference between terrorists and passengers who were scared of flying.

The Canadians had another idea about how to use these rodents; the Royal Mounted Police have trained gerbils to sniff out drugs.

The Blind Cyber Date

An anonymous girl, lets call her Jen, is a junior in college attending school in Colorado. Like all college students, she is wrapped up in the partying and the wildness college life has to offer. Jen being the computer science major that she is does however have a lot of work to do on her computer so when she's not out having a good time, she's working her butt off designing computer programs and installing software.

One day, soon after she had a bad breakup with her boyfriend, who had left her for a tall blonde chick, she was home alone on a Friday night for the first time in the three years they had been dating. She was sad alone and depressed, so she decided to make update her Facebook page.

As a prank, Jen deleted all the pictures of herself and her boyfriend and replaced them with pictures of the girl that her boyfriend had left her.  She even changed her screen name to Barbie, as a snide nickname for the girl who had helped ruin her relationship .

Pretty soon a bunch of new guys were friending her. One guy she accepted identified himself as Jeremy, and they started a private chat. Very quickly things got hot.  Jen started getting into detail about what she would like to do to him with her tongue. He responded by telling her to picture being naked while his hands ran over every square inch of her body. Soon they were having cybersex. This went on for awhile, and then she got off the line agreeing to meet him back on the line the following night.

Saturday night rolls around, and Jen is on Facebook with Jeremy again.  They become even closer this night, so they continue like this for a week. At the end of the week, they started talking about other things, and got into very intimate issues and feelings. They became close, exchanging their lives, Jen didn't tell Jeremy she was in college, because she was afraid of sounding like an immature college girl. She felt guilty, but after a few weeks, she really liked this guy.

This went on the two of them like this for months, and months turned into a year. By the end of the year they had exchanged the most intimate thoughts, and yet had never even spoken on the phone. They were afraid of ruining the mystery. They had done everything sexually possible over the net, they were affectionate as well, waiting for the day that they could some day be together. They finally decided they had had enough. They wanted to meet each other, they were in love and they had to meet.

They didn't care about age or looks or anything but each other. Jeremy told Jen he thought she could be his next wife. Jen was weary at first but decided she didn't care how old he was or how ugly she loved him, he was the only one she could feel comfortable with. So...they planned a trip to meet in Vail, Colorado.

They were going to spend the weekend together and finally meet. Jen didn't want the hassle of having to find him, so she said, why don't you just get the room and we'll meet in the room that way there will be no mistake. Jeremy agreed.

Jen showed up at the resort first, and checked into the room telling the desk lady to hold the key for the next party, so she went into the room. She wanted things to be special so she lit some candles, put on some music. she stripped naked and climbed into the bed under the covers, deciding to surprise Jeremy when he got there.

The time soon came. The lights were out, the mood was right, and she heard a key in the door, she heard someone walk in and around the corner, and she whispered, "Jeremy?"

Jeremy said, "Barbie?" (this was the false name she had given him.) Yes she said, so he fumbled for the light, and turned it on to see Jen on the bed naked before him.

Then next thing heard around the world were two blood curling screams. Jen covered herself up, and with her most humiliated voice said, "Dad?" and Jeremy said, "JEN!!!"

Think of what you would do in this situation. Now realize this really did happen. Their lives will never be the same.

The Facts

Versions of this one has traveled through cyberspace many times. In spite of our best efforts, we couldn't find anyone who would admit that this actually happened to them. This is a classic mistaken identity myth, combined with our fear of technology and incest thrown in. But a word to the wise, don't pretend to be someone you are not. You (and one of your closest relatives) just might regret it.

Surprise, I'm Batman! The Worst Business Trip Ever

A man on a business trip to Dallas is sitting in a bar and is approached by a very handsome looking woman. He buys her a drink and they start to get to know each other. The woman invites him back to her apartment, and he willingly accepts.

After about an hour of making out, she leads him to her bedroom. The bed is fitted with straps on the bed posts, and she proceeds to tie him down. She puts a mask on him and says "OK, sweetie, you'll be Robin, and I'll be right back."

With nothing on but his socks and a black mask, she excuses herself to the bathroom to slip into something more comfortable.

After listening to loud clunking sounds in the bathroom for about a half hour, the man gets restless and a little nervous; he hears the woman in the bathroom and yells to her. "I'm coming out," she says, " Are you ready?"

The door to the bathroom opens, and standing there is a 6'1" man dressed as the caped crusader. "Surprise, I'm Batman!" the cross-dresser exclaims in a deep, husky voice, and proceeds to run around the room, waving his cape in a wild bat-dance.

The man starts to panic, pulls on his straps to get free and yells for help. Batman climbs up onto a dresser and prepares to leap onto the bed. The businessman screams and closes his eyes, and the next thing he hears is a loud thud.

In his attempt to leap onto the bed, the caped crusader hits his head on the bedpost and passes out unconscious on the floor, blood dripping from his wound.

The tied-up man screams for help. The neighbors, hearing the screams next door, have called the police, who arrive shortly and knock down the door. The police enter the room and crack up uon finding a naked man strapped to the bed screaming, and a large man in a black cape and a mask passed out on the floor.

The Facts

While there is no evidence to prove it, we'd really like to believe this one is true.

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Questions? email giovanni at urbanmyths.com