Monday, 08 February 2010 19:23

Levi Johnston sure has come a long way from the redneck hockey player we featured last summer with his infamous MySpace quote:

Levi Johnston, the guy who got Sarah Palin' daughter pregnant and now has to marry her in order to save the election for John McCain, had his MySpace page taken down due to what might be called a few very embarrassing quotes. These statements put to lie the urban myth that Americas #1 teen pregnancy was anything but an accident, and was an all too predictable result of the failure of abstinence education in general. The upcoming nuptials (before election day) likely to be the first high tech shotgun wedding in history, and when he does you can be sure it will be broadcast live on CNN. But the words hat are said before a scandal breaks out usually don't lie, even when they are posted on MySpace:

"I'm a f**kin' redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some sh*t and just f**kin' chillin' I guess. Ya f*ck with me I'll kick ass."Status: "In a relationship."
Children: "I don't want kids."

The good news: Not only does he now have a kid, but now they both have pictures of them butt naked on a bear rug!

Monday, 08 February 2010 19:23

Perhaps the biggest urban myth of the current century is the possibility that an Alaskan hillbilly-turned.politician named Sarah Palin will become the next President of these United States of America and lead us all out of the darkness of the dark leader also known as Barack Hussein Obama. And That's Just Bullpocky. Or maybe we are so very stupid that it is not.

As we like to say every November, the American public gets exactly what it deserves every year on Election Day. And then it gets it again right up the ass without the Vaseline, on April 15th.

We are a population so stuck on stupid that we still believe there are two sides to every argument.As if Jon and Kate are both right about Love and Marriage and what it means to be a reality star; actually they are both so wrong that even a scripted  rant by Judge Judy couldn't snap them out of their collective terminal state of pathological narcissism.

No.In spite of what Sarah Palin would have you believe There Are Not Two Sides To Every Argument. That includes evolution, global warming, whether Obama really is a US citizen and whether or not  the earth is flat.

If that were really true, Good and Evil themselves would both have a daytime talk show opposite Oprah Winfrey.  Truth is an absolute or else it does not exist at all.

But Sarah Palin's new book makes the truth itself relative.  The list of untruths, half-truths, falsehoods and lies is growing by the minute, but the Huffington Post sums it up best in "Going Rogue": The 18 Biggest Falsehoods In Palin's Book:

Urban Myth: Palin Didn't Have A Family Vote On Her VP Run

Talking about the book on Oprah, Palin said there was no family vote on the vice presidency. She told Sean Hannity in 2008 that she had held a vote.

Oops, caught on tape, again!  In fact many of the "facts" in Going Rogue are easily proved false by Palins''s words, actions and eyewitness accounts from within the campaign.

Urban Myth: Bristol's Pregnancy Was Secret

Sarah Palin misrepresents the timeline of her daughter's pregnancy, saying she was surprised the McCain campaign knew about it when she'd already told vetters.

Sarah Palin told the McCain camp in writing about Bristol's pregnancy, but now she claims that somehow the McCain campaign found out on their own.  Not only is this a bizarre form or revisionist history but it sets up a pattern of apparent untruths that relate directly to her own family. is Sarah in trouble with her family for using them as political props?  Levi Johnston seems to feel like he was a tool, of course his Playgirl spread may prove that the toolbox is less full than we thought!

Urban Myth: McCain Campaign To Blame For Pricey Clothes

Sarah Palin points the finger at McCain aides for her $150,000 shopping spree. No one who was in the campaign backs her version of events. In fact there were numerous accounts of the Palin family going on shopping sprees during the campaign. The purchases themselves are fully documented in RNC records, including $75,062.63 at Neiman Marcus and $49,425.74 at two Saks locations.

Urban Myth: McCain Made Palin Pay For Her Vetting

Sarah Palin writes that the McCain campaign made her pay for her own vetting. A campaign official said that it is "one hundred percent untrue."

Urban Myth: Palin Opposed Aerial Wolf Hunting

Sarah Palin falsely suggests she doesn't support aerial hunting. In fact, Palin supports the practice and introduced a bill in 2007 to "simplify and clarify Alaska's intensive management law... for the state's 'same day airborne hunting' law."

Urban Myth: Palin Wanted To Go On SNL

Sarah Palin writes that she "liked the idea" of going on Saturday Night Live "from the beginning." Emails show she was actually reluctant to do so.

And with good reason.  Tina Fey destroyed her like a drunken female soccer player at an Amherst homecoming.

Urban Myth: Palin Is A Frugal Traveler

SarahPalin says she made frugality a point when traveling on state business as Alaska governor. But she and daughter Bristol stayed four nights at a $707.29-per-night New York hotel in 2007, and Palin billed the state more than $20,000 for her children's travel.

Urban Myth: McCain Campaign Ignored ACORN

Sarah Palin falsely claimed that the McCain campaign ignored Obama's "close relationship" with ACORN. In fact, John McCain brought up ACORN repeatedly in a debate, and his campaign mentioned it frequently in conference calls.

Urban Myth: Reagan Got Us Out Of Worse Recession

Sarah Palin says Ronald Reagan faced an even worse recession and "showed us how to get out of one. If you want real job growth, cut capital gains taxes and slay the death tax once and for all." The AP points out that Reagan didn't get rid of the estate tax, and capital gains taxes were higher then. Economists overwhelmingly say the current recession is far worse.

The truth is, you won't find much truth in this book.  Palin even says that Levi Johnston wasnt living in her house, that she had no idea her daugher was having sex with him, then goes on to call him by his new nickname Ricky Hollyood and refers to his newest gig with Playgirl as porn.  At least she got that part right.

Monday, 08 February 2010 19:23

Urban Myth Person Of The Day: Paula Abdul

Wasn't it just a week ago that we had to sit through another Paula Abdul interview, this time on ABC's Nightline, listening to this dizzy-assed American Idol judge trying to convince the world that not only ad she never been hooked on any drugs, she even refused to take pain killers for her 15 year old neck injury.  She even had a doctor's note to prove it!

Try as she might it all sounded so lame ABC's Cynthia McFadden had Paula Abdul nailed to the wall, but Paula slipped away like Jello with the most ridiculous explanations for her history of obvious drugged out behavior.  Paula claimed she was suffering from fatigue due to neck pain. She even claimed to have had 15 surgeries and was not even taking pain medication. That was last week, and that was a myth.

A week later, in Ladies's Home Journal, Paula now admits that SURPRISE! she was hooked on drugs all along:

For the first time in 12 years Abdul says she's no longer dependent on medication. The rumors that her sometimes-bizarre behavior was fueled by drugs just may have been true. Abdul was taking heavy-duty pain killers, though she claims she never shot an Idol episode under the influence. But last Thanksgiving, determined to overcome her habit, she checked into the La Costa Resort and Spa, in Carlsbad, California, to wean herself off her medications in one fell swoop. "I could have killed myself.... Withdrawal -- it's the worst thing," she says. "I was freezing cold, then sweating hot, then chattering and in so much pain, it was excruciating. But at my very core, I did not like existing the way I had been."

Unlike most other celebs, Paula has been lying about her drug use for years. So what changed?  Answer: Paula's new album release. She want to get paid. In this shameless excuse of a society it is Anything for Publicity, even if it proves you are a shameless liar.

Monday, 08 February 2010 19:23

It looks like America's great addiction to the black and green goddess of Starbucks has been broken faster than an old 5 dollar bill.  Forget about McDonald's dollar menu: second-quarter earnings down 77%!  Maybe its the grimy bathrooms that every cab driver and meth head in the neighborhood uses as a second home.  Or maybe it's the constant turnover of staff as they try to make sure that no one is giving out those free coffer vouchers you used to get for all the wait times when takes longer to make a Frappucino than it does to have sex with a dozen cloned Pam Andersons.

The good news is America is drinking a whole lot less caffeine.  The bad news is that it is still dead broke from the days of $5 per gallon gasoline, Halliburton's no bid contracts and 32 percent interest on credit card bills.  As Starbucks continues to close down stores by the hundreds, student will soon have to choose whether to once again do their homework in the library or head over to McDonald's for the two dollar iced coffee with fries.

As Woody Allen once said, "These are my choices?"